I will never forgive them for butchering Apex Predator

You might be forgiven for not knowing that Mean Girls 2024 is a musical, adapted from the Broadway show – mostly because Paramount has idiotically decided to purposely promote it without advertising the fact it has songs all the way through it so to not put off those who might be adverse to watching a musical. Paramount also cut a whopping 14 songs out of the original musical, with theatre kids across the globe punching their bedroom walls in fury. Perhaps the fury was diminished when they heard Angourie Rice’s singing voice and realised it was perhaps a necessity. Regardless – as a big fan of the original musical and the original film, I was giddy to see how they’d fuse the two on the big screen. Results? Mixed. Some arrangements are better than the stage version, some are unforgivably appalling. Here’s all the songs from the Mean Girls musical film, ranked from flop to totally fetch.

12. I See Stars

What an atrocious ending song. Truly hell on earth. Sickly, saccharine and honestly a bit nauseous. Angourie Rice sounds utterly dreadful, although this isn’t all her fault because the original musical version of I See Stars is equally as horrendous, if at least mercifully better sang.

11. What Ifs

A brand new song for Cady replacing It Roars from the show. Reneé Rapp cowrote it with the show’s original writers. It is… not good at all. Angourie Rice sounds like she’s whispering. Limp.

10. Stupid With Love

The least evil of the three very evil Cady songs. It’s very bad, of course – but not as bad as the two before it which is some light relief.

9. What’s Wrong With Me

Gretchen is a complicated character and deserves more than one introspective minute to express that through song. I get that the film had to shorten a lot of songs for runtime purposes but this feels like a real casualty.

8. Apex Predator

No one talk to me. This one is raw and still hurts. In the stage version, Apex Predator is my second fave song in the show. It’s a great two hander between Janis and Cady that further establishes Regina whilst also showing Cady’s inner dilemma about the thrill of being by Regina’s side even though she knows it’s a dangerous place to be. The harmonies at the end are god tier. There’s an amazing lyrical moment at the end where Janis and Cady say “So I’m kinda friends / But you’re kind of prey / Jesus, what a day /With the apex predator”.

In the film, it’s gone. Not only that, but Damian sings the entire Cady verse, which barely even makes sense even though they’ve tried to adapt the meaning of the lyrics. Assumingly, this was done because of Angourie Rice’s vocal shortcomings, but it’s unforgivable. The new production is horrible. Of all the Mean Girls songs ranked here, this is the knife in the heart.

7. A Cautionary Tale

Why on god’s green EARTH is this only ONE MINUTE LONG! It’s a great one minute, but oh my god. Just an absolute tease of a song. It’s the opening of the film. Give us the full thing you cowards.

6. I’d Rather Be Me

Auli’i Cravalho is one of the best singers in this film, and this is her big moment. She kills it, even though it’s all a bit “She’s sooooo crazy! Love her!”

5. Meet the Plastics

Our first taste of mother supreme and god amongst men Reneé Rapp as Regina, and honestly? Wow. So good. Makes you feel like getting on all fours and praying at her altar like the rest of the school. When she says “drunk with power” you literally feel like you’re guzzling vodka. Only a short and snappy one and wish it was longer but at least she leaves you gagging for more.

4. Revenge Party

I’m so grateful they didn’t chop this centrepiece down to a short length because it feels like a spectacle of the most iconic and juicy part of the film. An absolute riot. How can you not chant along to the “Regina, Regina, Regina” bits? Even Angourie Rice does a decent job here. Such an essential song to the show because it features so many of the iconic lines in musical number form. A blast.

HONOURABLE UNRANKED AMAZING MENTION: Not My Fault

Can’t really have this ranked amongst the other Mean Girls songs that are part of the plot, but it deserves its own mention: Reneé Rapp and Megan Thee Stallion give us here an absolute bop for the end credits that’s slinky, sexy and referential to Regina source material. Super fun and hope it gets its post-film release chart ascension.

3. Someone Gets Hurt

The fact that two Regina songs are in the top three Mean Girls songs ranked tells you everything you need to know about how amazing Reneé Rapp is in this role. Also how great villain songs are in general. Someone Gets Hurt is basically the soundtracking of Regina fucking Cady over at the Halloween party and seducing Aaron right in front of her. It’s seductive and stylish, the direction of the scene in the film is a proper highlight and it just feels formidable. Cherish it.

2. Sexy

Avantika is a main pop girl on Sexy – the musical sendup of Karen’s love of Halloween and sexy mouse costumes. It’s an absolute riot. The film amps up the production from the musical to give it a proper pop sheen with a dance break and a whole lotta oomph. You can’t watch it without beaming. Star power through the roof.

1. World Burn

This is what I’m talking about, baby! Urgh, wow. World Burn is my favourite song from the show anyway, and I was nervous to see how they’d do it in the film – but Mean Girls the movie proves exactly why this Regina George villainous anthem should always be ranked atop the rest. The ferocity with the way Regina sings “Cady may have won the battle but I will win the war” is just euphoria to me. It’s crazy that this is a villain song but makes you genuinely want Regina to win… Like, her power? The way the school descends into ultimate chaos as Regina belts out the final lines is EARTH SHATTERING. The film is worth watching alone just to see World Burn on the big screen.

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Related stories recommended by this writer:

• Here’s why Mean Girls wasn’t sold as a musical in its marketing

• Seven times Reneé Rapp was iconically unhinged on the Mean Girls press tour

• Lindsay Lohan is apparently demanding a joke be edited out of the Mean Girls movie musical