It was a time before CGI, before Marvel and most importantly before Arnold Schwarzenegger decided to do light comedies. 1980s action flicks were in a time of Ronald Reagan and when action films weren’t trying to tell society how to live their lives – they are about good guys, bad guys and one-liners.
Stars of the era had managed to get into the movies often through sheer charisma, drive and often skills. How else can you explain people who spoke English with very heavy Austrian or Belgian accents, which had to be explained through asides in the films?
More important than being able to speak like an American was the ability to do a spinning roundhouse kick or just be absolutely massive in a charismatic way. And there’s the politics. There’s no redemption or ‘journeys’ for the stars in general – they’re perfect from the start, and don’t learn anything apart from the solution to most problems is shooting a bad guy in the face. A simpler time. A better time. (ok probably not). Here’s a rundown of some of the best actioners from the 80s from someone who lived it – and watched many of them on appallingly poor quality VCR pirate videos with timers on which were handed around on the school playground.
Cobra (1986)
Sylvester Stallone is Lt Marion Cobretti from the ‘Zombie Squad’ in a nightmare city overrun with crime. They’re the team which is the ‘bottom line’ – all that stands between the innocent and psychos who want them dead. It’s a bit of a strange one as by almost any standards the film is a terrible total failure. He cast his girlfriend Brigitte Neilsen as love interest model who is being pursued by ‘Night slasher’ Brian Thompson and his goons.
The whole point of the film is mystifying and can best be summed up as Stallone wanting to ape Dirty Harry – even to the extent of casting two of that classic’s main character actors Reni Santoni and Andrew Robinson (totally wasted with a role which basically consists of disagreeing with ‘Cobra’s’ methods, however illogically). In subsequent interviews, Night Slasher actor Thompson said he tried to understand the motivation of his team because, apart from randomly killing people, there didn’t seem to be much point – Stallone, who actually wrote the script, didn’t really enlighten him.
However, there’s just something about it – probably mostly due to cinematographer Ric Waite shooting it like an incredibly stylish music video. It makes no real sense, the politics are risible, but Stallone looks the part, ‘butches up’ with a ridiculous match in his mouth all the time and even cuts up his pizza with garden shears. What’s not to like?
Rent on various
Bloodsport (1988)
Quite simply is the best ever ‘tournament’ movie. Jean-Claude Van Damme is ‘Frank Dux’, a super human fighting machine who want to honour his ailing Shidoshi (trainer) by fighting in ‘de Kumite’ an illegal full contact contest in Honk Kong. There’s a side plot where a pair of US Army investigators (one played by Forrest Whittaker in an early role) try to get him to come back in slapstick fashion – there’s even a musical montage at one point involving a chase through the streets.
It seems that Van Damme was taken in by the real Frank Dux who it later transpired hadn’t had anything like the career suggested in the film – including some dodgy ‘world records’ in the end credits. Nevertheless, it’s like the computer game tournament film which has never been made (ie it’s quite good). His sidekicks are man mountain ‘Jackson’ played by Donald Gibb (Ogre in Revenge of the Nerds) and journalist ‘Janice’ played by Leah Ayres (a truly appalling romance occurs).
The thing that makes it work are brilliant fight sequences, memorable fighters competing in ‘de Kumite’ (as Van Damme says it) and the ultimate boss baddy in 80s actioners – Bolo Yeung. It’s also got one of the most tears-inducing (for the wrong reasons) ‘I love you my friend’ moments. Never seen a better fighting tournament film.
Stream free MGM+ rent on various
Hard To Kill (1990)
Steven Seagal is Mason Storm – a one man crime fighting whirlwind who loves his family. What a guy. Basically he videos a mysterious powerful politician player by William Sadler (loads of films – Shawshank Redemption, Die Hard 2, Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey) catchphrase ‘you can take that to the bank’ doing some dodgy deals.
This leads to a hit on him and his family which leaves his wife dead, son missing, and Mason Storm in a coma for seven years. His nurse in the hospital is Kelly Le Brock (she of the least convincing English accent in history and Weird Science) who is called into action when baddies get wind he’s woken up.
Steven wakes up, hits a plank of wood a few times and then kicks arse. Simples. And when he hears Senator Trent’s catchphrase again, alerting him to the true villain he says “I’m gonna take you to the bank, Senator Trent…to the blood bank.” Need I say more.
Rent on various
Commando (1985)
Arnie was never better than as a Germanic ex US military killing machine who has his daughter (Alyssa Milano) kidnapped by Captain Bennett (Vernon Wells – Wez in Mad Max 2) in order to get him to do ‘one last job’ and overthrown the president of a fictional South American country. It’s a violent one-liner fest given spark by Rae Dawn Chong’s sidekick Cindy who opines ‘I can’t believe this macho bullsh*t’ at one point. Well believe it Cindy – macho bullsh*t has never been so much fun.
During the action Arnie jumps from a jet which has just taken off, steals everything from a gun store, drops people off cliffs complete with one liner sign offs, chops enemies up with garden tools and mows down an entire army.
It was a world in which Kindergarten Cop and Junior had not yet happened – and it was far better for it. Enjoy Arnold Schwarzenegger at his best before he tried to go into ‘broad comedy’ (shudders).
Stream free on Disney +
Mad Max 2 (1982)
It starts as it means to go on with a shot of a V8 engine running at maximum revs and doesn’t let up. Mad Max 2 is just a seminal action film perfectly plotted and paced, with a rather less fresh faced Mel Gibson as the Road Warrior then he was in the first film.
In a post apolyptic future the roads are rules by bandits hunting for victims, pillage and most importantly fuel. It’s a terrifying and incredibly well-realised world with Max coming into contact with a cut off community with an oil well trying to eke enough out for a shot to get to a safe haven for freedom.
The action sequences on a fairly tight budget are just immense with the final road war just stunning. It’s full of great stunt work, totally believable and Gibson is great as the taciturn hero.
Available on Prime to streat free for subscribers
Lethal Weapon (1987)
When you watch back Lethal Weapon now you realise two things – this is in fact a ‘Christmas Movie) and also that it’s actually pretty hard hitting. Mel Gibson gives a full on performance as a cop who is suicidal after the death of his wife. Danny Glover’s the cop who’s beginning to eye up retirement who suddenly has to deal with ‘Lethal Weapon’ Martin Riggs (Gibson) who’s liable to get them both killed.
At the heart of this is the relationship between the two stars who really spark off each other. The first and the best, and a great buddy cop movie. Probably a bit incongruous on this list in that it’s too high quality.
Rent on various
