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Classic New York City Movies If They Took Place in Eric Adams’s New York

August 13, 20244 Mins Read


“As the budget process progressed, updated revenue projections showed that many of the cuts weren’t needed. Both fiscally conservative and liberal good government groups and the Independent Budget Office said City Hall’s revenue projections were inaccurate. But the mayor ordered agencies to slash their budgets anyway.” — New York Times

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When Harry Met Sally

Harry and Sally are neurotic New Yorkers looking for love in the Big Apple. When the former college classmates bump into each other at a bookstore, they promise to get coffee and catch up soon. But thanks to the administration’s refusal to put caps on market rent, Sally has been pushed to the outer edges of Brooklyn, while Harry lives in the deepest reaches of Queens. They never see each other again.

Fame

Every year, hundreds of students enroll in LaGuardia High School to make their singing, acting, dancing, and annoying theater kid dreams come true. On the first day of school, they learn that every single arts program has been eliminated, teachers’ salaries have been slashed, and there’s only one textbook, which they must take turns reading. Although the students are disappointed, they understand where the arts funding went: increasing the NYPD budget by another $5 million. The kids still sing and dance in the streets halfway through the movie, but it sounds terrible.

The Godfather

Mob boss Michael Corleone knows the exact right levers to push in City Hall to exercise his influence. He funnels all his money, time, and energy into eliminating bike lanes.

American Psycho

Wall Street wunderkind Patrick Bateman is desperate to get a table at Dorsia. Some would even say that he’d kill for one. Unfortunately, Dorsia is closed at night, every night, for endless fundraisers for Mayor Eric Adams. The guest list includes AI-crypto millionaires, your former landlord who raised your rent five hundred dollars with no notice, and every celebrity who has ever complained about “cancel culture.” Finally, Bateman realizes his way into Dorsia is by becoming a donor to the Adams campaign. As the extent of his naked ambition is revealed, he is welcomed by Mayor Adams with open arms and a matching bomber jacket.

Ghostbusters

When supernatural activity increases across New York City, Mayor Adams knows there’s only one way to bust these ghosts: increasing the NYPD budget by another $5 billion.

Working Girl

Tess McGill wakes up early every day to catch the Staten Island Ferry. Yet she’s constantly at the mercy of the subway’s increasingly long wait times, minutes stuck between stations, and when the E does that thing where it runs on the F line, rendering her late for all of her important business meetings. And while it’s true that the subway is run by the state and not by city authority, it certainly feels emblematic of the era.

Cloverfield

Residents of New York City scramble for survival after a mysterious alien monster launches a relentless assault on the city. Many are shocked by the city’s lack of preparedness for an extraterrestrial disaster. After Mayor Adams is MIA for hours, he eventually reappears to reassure residents that he was out there fighting the Cloverfield monster himself. He understands now, as he says in a presser, that there’s only one solution to the problem: increasing the NYPD budget by another $5 trillion.

Rosemary’s Baby

So Rosemary’s neighbors are satanic cult members who impregnate her with a demon baby. You think she’s going to give up a prewar apartment on the Upper West Side?





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